Archive for June 3rd, 2005

E-tiquette

What’s the etiquette for replying to people, albeit dumb dumbs, who send you hoax emails like these:

This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class action suit similar to the one filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too long ago.

Dear Friends; Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent later. Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it ( If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, You will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a check.

Regards.

Charles S Bailey General Manager Field Operations
1-800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX
292-1085 Charles_Bailey@csx.com Charles_bailey@csx.com

I thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my address and withindays, I receive a check for $24,800.00. You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can affoard this, Bill gates is the man.

It’s all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10,000.00. We’re not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little something for our time. My brother’s
girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When i went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game. She showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped “Paid in full” Like i said before, I know the law, and this is for real.
Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which would make them the largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the most widely used program, Intel and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can and will track it( if you are a Microsoft Windows user)for a two week time period.

TRy it; What have you got to lose

?

Usually I just pull up a link on Snopes or About and let them know that they’re contributing to SPAM pollution by politely pointing out the idiocy of their ways. I used to email the link to everyone on the list to whom the email was forwarded, but I figured that might be publicly embarrassing to the sendee. What do you do when someone sends you this garbage? Do you just delete it, or do you try to put a stop to the ignorance?

What jumped out at me in this email were a few different things. First of all, the language in this sentence, “If you ignore this, You will repent later” seems loaded, and apocryphal. It almost gave me the heebie jeebies. What’s the intention of using the word “repent”? Weird.

Another thing that made me furrow my brow was this, “Like i said before, I know the law, and this is for real.” They never said whether or not they know the law! Why would we trust something like this? Why? Maybe lawyers have some insight. Lawyers?*

The final thing that made me question why anyone would buy this is the vague, circular language of the whole thing. Does anyone do any research anymore? Read the news? Keep themselves abreast of current events?

It’s stuff like this that makes me frustrated with people as a whole.

UPDATE: I the hallway I ran into the woman who sent me the SPAM, and apparently she’s learned her lesson. Just about everyone she sent it to told her it was a hoax. So apparently stupidity trickles upward. Or something. Whatever. Shut up.

*Upon further research I found a longer letter where they do mention that “they are an attorney and they know the law.” Still, why should you trust a stranger, even if they are a lawyer?

Rehearsal Dinner

Last night I went to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner for my friend’s wedding. He’s getting married in a big ol’ church in Baltimore, and I was not surprised to see that I did not spontaneously combust upon entering the church, or even the sacristy. I guess Jesus was shooting craps with the Holy Ghost and they didn’t notice the heathen in their house. Then again, they have so many heathens in there so frequently, they probably just don’t care anymore. Either that or they do care, but they don’t exist, so it doesn’t matter.

Speaking of heathens in the house of the Lord, when we were heading for the church we hit lots of traffic so we (the best man and I) were running about 20 minutes late. The groom kept calling us to get updates, and he finally told us, just as we were about to arrive, that if we didn’t get there soon the priest was going to start molesting people. We weren’t sure if he was serious or not, but I didn’t want any part of that, so we rolled through the last few stop signs.

Once we were there they had us line up. The priest told us that we were to line up the same way on Saturday, that we weren’t to chew gum, that we shouldn’t chew gum, that gum chewing should not happen, the chewing of gum was not to be allowed, and that if we had any gum on Saturday we should do something with it besides chewing. Then he mentioned that he didn’t want us to chew gum, chew any gum, have any gum in our mouths, chew gum, or chew any gum. After that he wanted us to know that we should eschew the chew, and that he wanted us to walk in a straight line down the aisle.

Then they decided it would be better if we were already up there when the bridesmaids came in, and we could meet them halfway down the aisle. After that we would sit in the first row of pews.

Then they decided they would rather us stand the whole time. We’ll be blocking the view of everything that goes on, including the lighting of the unity candle, but at least everyone will have fantastic view of our asses.

Once they had decided we had been pranced around enough, we were led outside and lectured on the importance of promptness on Saturday. The priest then reminded us that we should chew any gum.




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