Archive for May, 2005

Addiction

I wasn’t sure if I was going to write this post or not. I started it twice, and stopped each time before I had really gotten anything down. I know that this is a sensitive subject for many people, and it’s not my intention to piss anyone off, but I know I’m going to do it anyway. Please consider my opinion with an open mind, as my mind is not currently closed on the matter, and I’d like to hear the thoughts of people who disagree.

I think addiction is a choice. That might not be the best way to start, but it’s the clearest.

Every time someone chooses to have another drink, another puff, or another spin on porn websites they are choosing to continue their addiction. Some might argue that people do NOT choose to have another of whatever particular thing to which they are addicted. I believe that is incorrect as a matter of faulty logic.

Take heroin, for example. Before the first time someone uses heroin it cannot be said that they are addicted. After the second time, it may be plausible. After the third time, it becomes possible. And after that, it seems to become a reality that the person is addicted to heroin. However, they must seek out the heroin every time. They have to snort it, or put the needle to their veins. They make more than a few choices before ever getting the heroin into their systems, and they put the heroin in there anyway. No one does it to them. No one holds them down and shoots them up without their consent. If someone did that, it would be torture, not addiction.

I believe that withdrawal is absolutely real, and probably extremely painful, and psychologically excruciating. I believe that withdrawal is part of addiction, but I don’t believe that withdrawal CAUSES a loss of choice.

When someone who uses heroin begins to go through withdrawal they make the choice to either deal with the withdrawal or shoot up again. It’s certainly a difficult choice, as I imagine no one would ever want to go through withdrawal, but it’s a choice made, one way or the other, nonetheless.

Every time we take a drag of our cigarette we are choosing our addiction. We could stop anytime we wanted if we would simply choose to do so. Sure, the cravings are bad, and everyone is irritating, and the world feels crazier than normal, and we keep getting pissed off at everyone, but none of that forces us to choose to go to the store, to then go to the store, to then choose to spend money on cigarettes, or to then smoke those cigarettes. We have many opportunities to change the way we make choices, but we frequently choose addiction.

Think about it the next time you go to a bar, or open a new pack of cigarettes. Think about if anyone but yourself is controlling your actions. Think about how many choices you’re making before you drink, or before you inhale. There are dozens of places where you could have chosen differently.

I know that people who have had an addiction for some time may internalize it to the point where the choices become habit. Their choices have been the same for so long that they don’t stop to think about them, and they feel like they just end up with a cigarette in their hand once again. I also know that other people can be enablers. Buying you cigarettes, or beer, or drugs to cheer you up. This all makes the choice much more difficult, but I believe the choice is still there.

I think we should have a comprehensive treatment system to help people get over their addictions and to help them get though their withdrawal. Like I said, withdrawal is not something that I imagine anyone wants to go through, which is probably why people continue to choose addiction, but we have to recognize that people, at some point, will want to choose something other than addiction, and we have to be there, as a society, to help them with that choice.

Once again, this was not intended to antagonize or hurt anyone, and I welcome dissenting opinions.

It just never stops, does it?

Well, I haven’t been able to clearly articulate my view on drug use, or on drug use and the military, so I’m just going to stick to drug use, as a topic, for now.

In a perfect libertarian world, people would be able to buy whatever substances they wanted, and used them however they wished. Any infractions by those people against any other member of the population because of their drug use would only then be cause for imprisonment.

It’s not a perfect libertarian world, so we have to make some exceptions. Unfortunately, those exceptions include making many drugs illegal. The argument for the legalization of marijuana is a complex one. On the one hand, marijuana, if regulated by the government, could be no more harmful than alcohol. On the other hand, who really wants more government regulation in their lives? It’s also important to consider how harmful alcohol can be. Would we really want another substance as easily obtainable as alcohol, and equally as dangerous, available to the population at large?

These questions all need to be considered when pushing for the legalization of marijuana, or any other drug. I know the war on drugs has been a long, violent, expensive, and relatively fruitless battle waged by the government on, for the most part, poor people. Somebody gets nicked with a joint in their pocket, and suddenly they’re standing trial for possession with intent to distribute.

Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh is downing “baby blues” like the world is about to end and he gets a pat on the back and well-wishes to help him through his rough time.

The hypocrisy is nauseating.

My friends smoked pot. My friends rolled on E. Some of my friends accidentally did K, once. And I’m sure that the stuff they were taking was laced every now and then, and certainly not completely pure.

One of my former friends dealt drugs for a while. For all I know, he may still be doing it. The point of all this is to illustrate how much easier it was for us to get drugs than it was for us to get alcohol when we were underage. This sort of control would not be difficult to replicate with pot, or other drugs.

With government oversight the drugs would be safer and more honest awareness about their affects could begin to take place.

Heroin, crack, coke, etc., are too dangerous to be released for mass consumption, in my opinion, and should remain illegal. That said, paint thinner and glue are also dangerous, but you’ll never be able to stop the kids from huffing that shit, or doing whippets.

I know lots of people do drugs, and I know lots of people are addicted to prescription drugs, and I know drug use is not limited to a certain race, class, gender, etc. Right now what I think our country needs is an honest discussion about drug use, and an equal enforcement of laws across the board instead of those crazy, fear-mongering “Truth” commercials and punishments being assessed by how much money you have in your pocket.

I hope this clarifies my stance on the drug issue.

If you want I could next talk about whether or not addiction is a choice. I’m sure that will fire some people up.

Frankly, I’m a bit surprised.

I had no idea my story about recruiters would cause people to comment. I thought I was just showing how low recruiters would stoop to bring in another warm body. Flagrantly breaking rules doesn’t seem to line up with the credos of our armed forces, yet that’s what so many recruitments are built upon.

Regardless, I was just trying to tell a story about recruiters who buy tons of pee-cleansing products.

Dag yo.

The few, the proud, the Potheads

Malnurtured Snay links to an article in which a Republican senator from Alabama calls for Bill Maher’s dismissal from television, based on Maher’s remarks that “that the U.S. military has already recruited all the ‘low-lying fruit’” and that there is no one else left to recruit.*

Snay brings up the point that the Army has had a problem with recruiters telling recruits to lie on applications, and not worry about their drug habits.

Unfortunately, this has been going on for a long time. I used to work in a record store in the Baltimore area (1998, 1999), and one of the products that we carried was Detoxify. Actually, we carried all of their products. Every now and then one of the recruiters from the office up the block would come in with a recruit and buy a bottle of Detox for the kid.

Bad? It gets worse. Every week or so, the recruiter would come down to the store by himself and buy CASES of the Detox products, sometimes spending close to $1000. After about 2 weeks, he would come back for more.

Finally, I asked the recruiter what he was doing with all the Detox, even though I thought I knew the answer.

He told me that the Army drug tested recruits at random intervals, sometimes more, sometimes less, but everybody got drug tested at least once. He would buy the stockpiles of Detox so he could give it to every recruit he was working with when he would hear about drug tests coming through.

I asked him what kind of drugs these kids were doing. He said that it was mostly pot and ecstasy, but every now and then it would be heroin, coke, crack, meth, PCP, or whatever the recruit “accidentally” got into.

Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel. I know this doesn’t represent all of the recruits, but at the rate he was unloading Detox, it can’t be a insignificant percentage either.

In this case, I’d have to say that Maher is right, and the recruiters have scraped the bottom of the barrel and have begun digging.

Would Nancy Reagan still be telling people to just say no?

*If you want to comment on the politics of this, go to Snay’s site. Thanks.

Like Nelson Mandela, except it’s my brain

I feel like I’ve been able to scrub the goo from my brain. The fog is gone, and it’s last smoky tendrils dissipated from within my neural network at some point last night to allow my synapses to begin firing as usual. I’m back to being my indefatigable self (with regards to blogging, at least) and the unwholesome union of languidity and lethargy have left the building.

No longer is my brain searching for words like, “gasp” or “hush” or even “spill”. Believe it or not, but those words were all elusive to me a mere 12 hours ago. This very paragraph would have taken me hours to complete, and would not be nearly a fraction as literate. Teaching a monkey sign language comes to mind.

That said, I punished my brain again last night, but luckily the effects wear off as soon as the television is rendered to a state of inoperation. Kmart and I watched the last 2 episodes of 24. Well, I puttered around the apartment and did laundry while Kmart watched the last two episodes of 24.

It’s not a particularly riveting show, and I wasn’t a big fan of the shows’ characters adopting the benighted patois of W in the pronunciation of “Nuclear”, nor his administration’s dismissal of the inherent wickedness of torture, but it did make for some interesting jokes about next season.

Maybe 8 episodes would focus on Jack sleeping. You could have 1 whole episode devoted to him getting something to eat. Maybe you could have an episode where Jack takes a walk. It would be a Seinfeldian drama meets avant garde television. It would be groundbreaking.

Unfortunately, I feel most of the American public’s brain functionality is equal to that of mine after a night of drinking, so I don’t think they’d get it.

Experimental

I’m feeling better, but I haven’t really had any amazingly insightful thoughts that cut to the very core of an issue (as I am frequently apt to do), and nothing particularly alarming or amusing has happened to me so far today.

I thought I might have had something when the I was in the bathroom stall and a guy came in to the stall next to me and placed him foot under the stall wall into my stall while he was going to the bathroom. But that’s all that happened. Pretty boring.

Then I thought I would just do like a train of thought thing, hence the title of the post, because I’ve never done anything like that before. But then I thought, who the junk am I that I think I’m important enough that people would want to read my artsy-fartsy train-of-thought bullshit post. So I’m not going to that either.

So now, what we’ve ended up with is a post about things that never came to be, and that really couldn’t be any more depressing than if I used a word like “morose” to describe it.

Please forgive me, my brain is still rebooting.

I’m an asshole

I’m an idiot too. I drank too much yesterday, and now my body hates me, and my brain isn’t working right. I hate this feeling (as do most people I suspect) which is why I had been working so hard at not getting so drunk that I would be hungover.

Apparently my internal warning systems weren’t working yesterday, or more likely, I was ignoring them, and now my brain is fuzz. It’s actually taken me about 5 minutes to type everything you see so far.

Hopefully later on this morning the fog will have lifted, and I’ll have something more interesting to say. For now, I’d like to apologize to my brother, sister-in-law, roommate, and fiance for being a drunken, obnoxious asshole.

Like, for real this time

I haven’t read any blogs for 2 days. Not even my top 10. Not even the ones that only post once a day and have really short posts. Not even the one by my own freakin’ roommate (we know you’ll kick that pooping-in-your-sleep habit soon Buddy!).

So what’s my excuse? I’ve been working. But not like the normal work where I only do what’s assigned to me, and then read blogs in between, but actually creating work for myself.

I’m not sure what happened, but of late I’ve been motivated to get lots of work done. Normally, I’ll be struck by something blogworthy (i.e., whatever passing whim pops through my skull) on my way to work, I’ll post that when I get in, and then I’ll dig into work. About an hour later I’ll be done with all my work for the day, and I just read and write blogs until a meeting, an appointment, or more work pops up. I finish that off quickly, and then I go back to reading.

The past few days have been different though. I’ve been making huge lists of items to complete, some of them with 2 or 3 sub items, that when completed will make my job easier. It’s been such a rewarding experience to complete these items that blogging fell almost completely off the radar.

Luckily, I have a few unstructured hours remaining in the day, and my lists have been reduced to tasks that are pending responses from coworkers, so I’ve got a few hours to catch up. It’s a good thing too, because I try to cut the internet out as much as I can over the weekend (the exception being that I nerd it up for about 30 minutes on Saturday and Sunday), and I rarely go back to read old posts that I may have missed.

I’m sorry if this seems self-centered, but I used to follow all my blogs with zeal, and I would read every word that was written. I had an inhuman compulsion to spend my time in front of a computer when I should have been lounging on a beach last summer. Bad news.

So, I’ll try to catch up on what I can today, and on Monday I’ll start anew.

One might suggest that this is irksome to me

It took me an hour to get to work this morning. My 11 mile commute was marred by what seems to have been nothing more than rain. Have you heard of it? I should imagine not given the rest of Baltimore’s populous seemed quite surprised and disoriented by it’s presence.

Rain is a meteorological condition in which tiny particles of water in the air condense, and then, when reaching a sizeable fatness for Gravity’s meaty paws to reach up and give them a tug, hurl themselves groundward where the splatter, splash, pool, and puddle.

Though is phenomenon is certainly something to give quiet reflection to from time to time, given our ecosystem’s ability to recycle it’s own blood, sweat, and tears, as it were, it certainly does not warrant a full metaphysical and transcendental wonderment.

This would not be the case in, say, the Gobi desert where average yearly rainfall amounts to sometimes little more than millimeters. One could make the argument that a full-on rainstorm is such a place would require no less than the full stoppage of day to day activities in order to celebrate such a freak occurrence.

In Baltimore, however, rain accumulates many inches per year, and it would belie nothing less than an intellect equal to a labotomized monkey if our residents were to lose their GODDAMNED SHIT EVERY FUCKING TIME IT RAINS. FOR SHIT’S SAKE YOU IGNORANT FUCKERS, PUT YOUR CAR IN DRIVE AND GO. IT’S JUST THE FUCKING SKY PISSING ON US AGAIN YOU BACKWARD-THINKING, INBRED, GEOCENTRIC TROGLODYTES!

Deet(s) to the House

Get it? It’s a joke about the DEED to the house, but I used the word DEET (a slang term for “details”) instead! I’m hilarious!*

Anyway, I’m just about multimedia-ed out at this point, but I thought I’d post pictures of the new place.

Here’s the whole house. We own the left side of it.

Here’s the dining room, and tiny kitchen (we’re going to knock down the pantry in back to open into the living room).

Here’s the huge piece of furniture we inherited from the seller. I believe it’s a shrunk.

And, my favorite, the yard and deck.

Any onther photos don’t really convey anything besides, “Look! It’s a room!” so I’ll just give you the layout of the house via a sketch in paint. I haven’t done it yet, so I’ll let you know exactly how long it takes… starting… NOW!

Ahh screw it. It was taking way too long, and I hadn’t made any progress anyway.

*No. I’m not




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