AnonymousCoworker

My office is in the middle of the hallway between the lobby and front door, and the end, or corner, of the hall. I hear most of the things that go on in the lobby, and subsequently am forced to deal with the mind-numbingly idiotic discussions that take place there.

For example, this morning one of my coworkers came in wailing about how horribly her hair looked. I can’t personally vouch for the craptitude, or lack thereof, of her new hairstyle, but I can tell you that she paid almost $200 to have her hair cut and colored. Her hair was already short, but now it’s apparently much shorter. She likes the color okay, but hates the way it was cut.

The admins up in the lobby were trying to console her, but she would have nothing of it. I could hear her flapping a magazine around like a loon, probably showing it to everyone who would bother to tolerate her screeching tirade. Pages would flap, and then the sound of skin meeting glossy paper would signify that she had once more pointed out the discrepancy between her haircut, and a model/actresses haircut.

It blows my mind, every time. You know why Meg Ryan and Jennifer Aniston have cute haircuts that you can never manage to match? Because the haircuts were built specifically for their heads and faces. If you put a perfect replica wig of their hair on your head, you would still look like a clown.

This goes for body parts too. If you put Angelina Jolie’s lips on your face, you would look like a freakish monster. Her bone structure and facial composition allow her to have such features. Chances are, yours don’t. But I digress.

As she went on and on about the haircut, it was apparent to me, and anyone else who hear in a range slightly below dog-whistle, that she had not said ANYTHING the entire time she was having her hair cut. Forgive her the fact that she didn’t have the sense to know that she couldn’t put a movie star haircut on her boring head, but she never said anything. How the hell do you watch someone “butcher” your hair (her words) and not say anything about it? It’s her own fault that she got a stupid haircut, and no matter how glass shattering her vocal range becomes, she idiotically passed to the chance to make things better when she could have.

I would have shut my door, but we’ve got an open door policy. I’m not even sure why they had them installed.

UPDATE: It’s ORANGE, and it’s really short. There’s no way she could have been surprised by the result, unless the stylist just took everything down to the nubs at the very beginning. And, as far as I know, no stylist does that. Still, if I paid 200 bucks for that, I would be expecting about 150 bucks to be woven into my hair.