I have a secret. I’m addicted to Cool Mint Listerine Pocketpak Oral Care strips. It’s true. I eat them like they are candy. But not like when most people say, “like candy.” I actually view the strips as candy for me to eat. I eat them by the containerful. Kmart and I went to the movies a while ago, and while he was tossing popcorn into his mouth, I was layering little minty strips onto my tongue.
I’m not sure when I got into this habit. I remember seeing the commercials, and I remember wondering what the big deal was about, but I don’t remember when I first tried one. I do, however, remember the feeling. It’s the same feeling I get every time, and I’ve even developed a quirky habit regarding the ingestion of these minty slices of nirvana.
First, I pop the case open gently, so as not to let any of the strips slip out. I’ll only make that mistake once. Then, I slide a strip out of the case, and gently center it on my tongue. At first I’ll hold my mouth slightly ajar so I can feel the strip melting on my tongue while cool air rushes in and out of my mouth. But then, I’ll close my mouth, and let the tingle of the strip envelope my tongue. Just about the time the strip has dissolved, I place the second strip onto my tongue. This time, it’s with a little more abandon, and a little less care. I just want that minty rush. I also don’t treat the second strip so delicately. I press it against the roof of my mouth with my tongue to help spread the minty tingle all over.
The third and fourth strips are placed on my tongue so that the third strip is on the front of my tongue, and the fourth strip is on the back of my tongue. They usually take a little longer to dissolve because my tongue is going into shock from the first two. But they go eventually, and I toss the fifth in there like it’s junk mail into the recycle bin.
The fifth one is where it really starts to taste good. Any other tastes you had in your mouth before have been utterly and totally destroyed, and your tongue is like a blank canvass, to mix metaphors.
The sixth one is almost indescribable, it just floats there, lasting much longer than all the others because of the complete lack of moisture left in my mouth. But it too, like the others, eventually succumbs and ensures the taste of mint for hours.
At least, I assume that it ensures the taste of mint for hours, because I usually finish the next 18 strips in about 30 minutes. But I only have one pack per day, so it’s all good.
I did once try to eat all 24 strips at once, expecting there to be a minty orgy explosion in my mouth. However, instead of the active part of the orgy, I got the clean-up detail after the orgy as the strips turned into a slimy ball of minty mucus. It was not cool. I don’t recommend putting more than 3 strips in your mouth at the same time, and only attempt that if you think Altoids are child’s play.
I haven’t tried the orange strips yet, and cinnamon strips will do in a pinch, but the mint strips are to what I shall always return, for good or for bad, until I can figure out a way to distill Listerine into a something I can drink.
