Right now, in Baltimore City, and parts of Baltimore County, it is snowing.
Wait, let me rephrase that. There are flurries falling from the sky.
7 other counties, and 5 Universities, have already closed for the day.
“Well,” you must say to yourself, “there must be some blizzard on the way.”
Unfortunately that is not the case. We are expecting 3 to 5 inches of total accumulation.
This is not a joke. That’s it. Less than a measly half a foot, and the state goes freakin’ bonkers.
This is not to say that I wouldn’t appreciate having the day off, but really, must we throw ourselves into such a panic every time a weather related phenomenon creates frozen precipitation that falls from the sky.
Teachers are partially to blame. They play a strange game of “Telephone” where every potential snowfall is amplified to absurdity. Here is an example:
Teacher 1 watches the weather channel in the morning, and sees that it MAY snow anywhere between 3 and 5 inches, with a 60% chance of precipitation, the next day. Teacher 1 tells Teacher 2 that it WILL snow 5 inches, guaranteed.
Teacher 2 tells Teacher 3 that 6-8 inches are on the way. Teacher 3 tells Teacher 4 that they were expecting to get at least a foot of snow. The students overhear this malarkey and tell their parents. The parents frantically call the school board to find out the policy for delays, and they also call 2 dozen radio and television stations to ensure that they provide up to the minute information on school closings. The two governing bodies of information, the board, and the news, collude to create a ridiculous mindfuck, and they throw the state into a panic.
By the time the first flake hits the ground, all the roads are gridlocked, students are pulled from schools for fear of them being trapped under a mountain of snow, and people buy milk, bread, and toilet paper.
That’s right. People go out of their way to buy 3 loaves of bread, 4 gallons of milk, and a dozen rolls of toilet paper, in case we get snowed in. In case a blizzard targets them personally, and heaps 17 feet of snow on their front lawn. In case all the bakeries in the country freeze, and all the cows die, and the toilet paper is burned for warmth, they’ll be prepared.
In my memory of snow storms in Maryland, we haven’t had one that has been so fierce as to hamper travel for more than 3 days. If fact, even the worst storms could be navigated by any person with a sensible head.
So why Maryland? Why must you act so stupidly when it snows?
You can see the WHITE TERROR live here.
