Anonymous Coworker is #5 for Interactive Strippers on Yahoo!, and #11 for Actor in Volkswagon Jetta Commercial on Yahoo!. Search engines is Cray-Zee!
Archive for January, 2005
When ACWF and I were on the road the other day we passed a housing development called “Lincoln Logs Homes.” Because I have the mind of a 5 years old boy, I asked ACWF if she thought that Abe Lincoln’s mother called his leavings Lincoln Logs. She didn’t think so, but I think this topic merits some serious academic and historical research.
I was driving to work this morning, and I was thinking about how we learn about other cultures through various means such as food, music, and movies. I wondered what aliens would learn about American culture through our movies.
I can only imagine aliens would be a little fearful after watching Independence Day, but they would be given the power to take over the world when they got to comedy movies. After seeing character after character go down from a swift kick to the nuts, the aliens would surely develop a high powered, quick reload, long distance, multi pattern sack-whacking machine. Once they have that, it’ll be up to the world’s women to defend us.
Don’t let us down ladies.
When I first went through this the other day, I had beautifully written responses to all your queries. Each response was annotated with it’s own link, and I even had designed some animation in Flash to go with the whole thing. Alas, Blogger was being a butt, and I lost all of that. So here is the stripped down version of my responses to:
What do you want me to ask you?
Or
When do you want me to ask you to ask me something?
Your questions in ACW green, my answers in traditional black.
To the Malcontent:
1) To junior prom.
2) On alternating wednesdays.
Alternatively,
1) What’s for lunch.
2) Whenever the mood strikes you.
Will you go with me to junior prom this Wednesday, but not next Wednesday?
And…
The mood has struck, and I say beenie weenies.
To Jessica:
Hmm….what’s the funniest CLEAN joke you’ve ever heard?
How about you make up a joke right now on the spot (it doesn’t even have to be funny)?
Do any of your coworkers know about your blog?
If no, what would you do if they found out?
My favorite funniest clean jokes are, “How many [fill in the blank with a group to which you belong] does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” “That’s not funny.”
AND
A guy walks into a dentist’s office and says ‘Doc, you gotta help me! I think I’m a moth!’ The dentist looks at him and says, ‘I’d love to help, but I think you need a psychiatrist.’ The guy says, ‘I know.’ So now the dentist is really confused, ‘Then what did you come in here for?’ The guy looks at his feet sheepishly and says, ‘Your light was on.’
Joke on the spot- What does a pirate get his vegetables? In the gaaaaarrr-den. He sells them at the maaaaaaarr-ket with the faaaaarr-mers.
No, none of my coworkers know about my blog. If they found out, I would probably start a new one that they didn’t know about. Not that I say anything bad about them, it’s just that I’d rather keep to myself at work.
To Lex:
I always like to hear about what random act of kindness, if any, other people have done lately. Or some personal goal, no matter how trivial that was accomplished.
I recently let a student participate in a program that he was ineligeble to participate in because of his grad point average. The reason I let him participate was because he had shown such marked improvement over the past few semesters and he hadn’t done any backsliding.
I also recently reached the goal of Reptile on the ecosystem. I thought it would take me a year to reach Amphibian, but here I am, thanks to all of you.
To Dee:
1) Whatever you feel comfortable asking
2) When you’re feeling nosy.
Did you learn anything about yourself when you were answering others’ questions?
To Moo Cow:
1. Who would win in a fight between Trogdor and Teen Girl Squad?
2. Mondays. No one does anything on Mondays.
Trogdor would definitely win. He just burninates so well. And, wish granted.
To Bitter Girl:
1. How much money do you want me to give you?
2. around bill time.
I don’t need you specifically to ask this, just anyone who feels like stepping up to play my benefactor.
Or-
1. Will you tell me about your last vacation?
2. before the next vacation.
I’d like to give you all the money I could spare. Unfortunately, at this time, I don’t have any. However, one of my dreams has always been to have enough money that I could tip %100 all the time. While we’re on that subject, remember Bitter Girl’s blog the next time you’re not getting the world’s most perfect service, and remember that servers are people too, and that they’re probably having a crap day, and then tip them as much as you can.
My last vacation was to the Finger Lakes in New York. They sell the wine up there at a deep discount, and we always make the trip. Each year we bring back more and more wine. This year, we got a case and a half of reds, whites, and a few sparkling wines.
To Darth:
ask about what to put on your wedding registry!! and where to register!
i say iTunes store.
Where should ACWF and I register? We were thinking Target and Bed, Bath, and Beyond. That way, everyone has access to those types of places, and I can register for 10 bags of Doritos at Target. The iTunes store would be cool, but there’s a bunch of stuff we actually need. I already have enough music to last the both of us for a long time. And together, we have more music than any couple really needs. (That said, we’ll probably register for some CDs at Target.)
To JaneDoh:
Ask everyone what they are listening to right this very second…
What is everyone listening to right this very second?
To La Chat Noir:
What is the most meaningful thing you have done with your life?
The most meaningful thing I have done with my life, eh? That’s a tough one. Upon initial reflection, I’m not sure I’ve done anything particularly meaningful. Upon further reflection, I’ve done lots of meaningful things. Giving in to curiosity and overcoming my fear of the unknown comes to mind. In the past few years I’ve started eating sushi, travelled quite I bit more than I had previously, and applied for a job at Harvard (which I happily/unhappily did not get , but I was one of the final 2 candidates). But that’s just daily meanigful stuff. On a greater level, I feel it was meaningful of me to work in a anti-violence program to help stop violence against women. Part of that job had me counseling male victims of sexual assault. I got a call on Christmas Eve of 2003 (I was on call all the time) to counsel a 16 year old victim who was raped in a prison. I could have said, “No thanks,” but it was Christmas Eve, and if I had been sexually assaulted, I wouldn’t want to be in a hospital surrounded by cops with no one to talk to. So I went. I’m not sure if I made a difference or not, but my anti-violence/sexual assault job suddenly became the most meaningful thing I had ever done.
Also, you watch too much TV.
Be sure to let me know where to register, where you last went on vaction, to what you are currently listening, the funniest clean joke you know, and the most meaningful thing y’all have done with your life. Feel free to expound in comments, or you can use your own blog.
If any of you wants me to answer anything else, send me an email, and I’d be happy to answer.
Okay, I admit it. I’m a bigger dork than I let on. I play an online, text-based, role-playing game twice a day. But at least I do it while I’m listening to rap music. That gives me some street cred, right? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.
Anyway, whenever I play this game, ACWF gives me a hard time and tells me, “I’m nerding it up.”
I’ve taken this to heart, as now whenever I log on to play, I usually tell her that I’m going to “nerd it up” for a minute.
Anyway, if any of you have a free 30 minutes twice a day, you can sign up to be a nerd too.
I swear, it’s fun.
I got out of the political blogging game a while ago. I actually started THIS blog to get away from all the political stuff I was blogging on another blog. That other blog is relatively defunct at this point.
However, check out Counter/Point if you’re into reading other people’s political blogs. Which I do from time to time. And in the sense of political balance, you can check out Bathroom Reading, as he delves into the political from time to time, but his slant is in the opposite direction of Counter/Point.
Two things about laziness:
1) If you’re too lazy to put your coat on to walk to the 7-11, then why do I see you working so hard to keep your comforter wrapped around you off the ground instead?
2) ACWF called me lazy because when I finished my bread last night, I handed her the plate to put beside her bed. I called her lazy becasue when she went to put the plate on her nightstand, she spilled bread crumbs all over the floor. She then shrugged her shoulders and put the plate on top of where the bread crumbs spilled. Her response at my incredulity? “I’ll clean it up later.”
I ask you, of the 3 people described here, who is the most lazy?
ACWF and I were talking about the wedding last night* and I suggested that after dinner, but before dancing, we give quick speeches of thanks. She was cool with that. I suggested after the speeches that we go into the restaurant scence from Pulp Fiction:
ACWF - “I love you pumpkin.”
ACW - “I love you honeybunny.”
We both hold the microphones, and turn to the guests.
ACW - “Everybody be cool this is a robbery!”
ACWF - “Any of you fucking pricks move, and I’ll execute every motherfucking last one of ya!”
Cue Misirlou by Dick Dale, and everyone starts dancing.
For some reason, she didn’t think this would go over well.
*Please bear with us, and expect many more posts that start this way.
It seems like everyone else* has put up a post asking their readers to chime in with an answer to a question, or in two cases, asking them to ask questions. Not being one to be left off the bandwagon I ask my readers:
What do you want me to ask you?
Or
When do you want me to ask you to ask me something?
I look forward to your responses.
*”Everyone else” includes, but is not limited to, the following:
La Chat Noir
Pink Lemonade Diva
Dee
Rene
Texas Biscuit
Darth
Sorry if I left anyone out.
THANKS FOR ALL THE QUESTIONS/ANSWERS. I’LL HAVE THE ANSWERS/QUESTIONS UP FOR YOU ALL ON MONDAY.
While I was gone, I was the:
#7 result for “nerd stripper dating” on a Yahoo Search. Look buddy, I know we all want to find a nice nerdy girl who is also a stripper, but this ain’t the place… and ACWF is already spoken for.
#15 result for “transgender strippers” on Yahoo Search. I am going to start pulling in people who are going to be pissed off at me because they can’t find pics of transgender strippers. To those people I say, “Learn to use the goddamned internet.”
And finally, at some point I’m listed as a result for “Male strip club on bourbon street” on a MSN search. We didn’t go into any male strip clubs when we were in New Orleans, but there were a bunch of places with rainbow flags flying on the North end of Bourbon street, if that helps any.
