I spend most of my time alone thinking. I do it in the shower, I do it before I go to sleep. I do it when I’m walking. I do it when I’m driving. Thinking while driving is definitely more dangerous than talking on a cell phone, or eating a delicious Caesar pita.
Usually, I think about the same things. Big picture things that I try and try again to wrap my mind around. Most frequently I try to find meaning in my life. Recently, I’ve been distressed at the results of my thoughts. We’re born, educated for almost 2 dozen years, left on our own to find a job to earn money so that we can support a mate, and a child or two. Then we die and our children take on their part of the cycle. Learning, earning, birthing, dying.
I was frustrated at the day to day nature of it all. I work today to earn money. Why? So I can eat, and pay rent so I can work tomorrow.
So I thought to myself, “What do I want?”. Did I want to get out of the city? Did I want to earn more money in my job? Did I want a house? Did I want a bigger apartment? Did I want a pet?
I sort-of wanted all those things, but didn’t really want any of those things. I was struggling to figure out what seemed to be missing and I was drowning in the Big Picture.
Finally, something clicked, and suddenly I was thinking about the details- the fun of it all. It’s not just a job, it’s where I blog. It’s not just a family, it’s the time you spend with your family. It was then that I realized that ACWGF was the missing piece of the puzzle if I wanted a family.
People have been pressuring me to get engaged. “Just do it, you’ll never be ready.” Now, I know that’s not true. I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t figured it out. I didn’t know what I was missing. I knew I’d be ready at some point and I didn’t want to rush into anything, and now I’m ready.
What I want is to come home to ACWGF every day (or have her come home to me, depending on how our schedules work out.)
Eureka!
Now, to all my blog-friends, and all of Blogsylvania, I introduce, AnonymousCoworker Fiance.
