Over the break I locked myself out of my apartment. I had given my keys to my younger brother the night before so he could let himself into the place without me having to go all the way down to the first floor to let him in in the middle of the night. He was nice enough to have driven ACWGF and me home from the party I mentioned here.
He was going back to the party, so I gave him the keys. When we headed out the next morning to the farmers market (look at me! I just watched Supersize Me and I shop at the Farmer’s Market. In no time I’ll be wearing Birkenstocks, listening to Phish, and not bathing. I’ll give a new, disgusting meaning to crunchy granola.) I checked my pockets for my keyring, and yep, it was there. Luckily, I was unable to lock the outer door because, nope, my keys weren’t on my keyring. So we called out craptastic rental company, and they were nowhere to be found, nor was there a number I could call to reach someone had there been an emergency, say for example, the smell of natural gas permeating my apartment and giving me hallucinations, or me losing my keys.
So we called a locksmith, and she showed up wicked quick (anyone think I’m from Boston? No?) which would have been a good thing, but we had called her from the supermarket 5 blocks away. She had come and gone in the time it took us to walk half a mile. We called her back, and when she finally showed up she proceeded to poke and prod at my door with all the smoothness and skill of two kids in the back of a Buick after junior prom. She was literally jamming the pick in and out of the lock, and all of this after I explained to my younger brother how picking locks was a precise and delicate art. She was precise and delicate like Ghengis Khan on a six day coke binge.
She finally got the door open, and I showed her my bloated cable bill (really Kmart, do you have to keep getting “New York Minute” over and over again on Pay Per View?) which she cross-referenced with my ID to prove that I lived there.
All in all, it wasn’t too bad, and I got this story out of it, so essentially you’re getting a $55 blog post for free.
