It was my responsibility yesterday, to keep my family from imploding. The long story is too long.
The short version is, my brother has to get justiced-of-the-peaced on Friday with his fiance because she’s from not-America, and she just got a visa making her an American-by-proxy, and they have to make her a for-real American before the American-by-proxy visa expires.
So, my bro was looking at this event as very laid back, but at least a good excuse to get people together (kinda like finishing an exam. That kind of feel). My mom took the invitation of people to mean that this was a big deal to my bro, and she was hurt and insulted that he was not inviting relatives to this big deal event. I was asked to step in (see how much has changed since I was a kid? I used to be the bad, fight-with-my-brothers, lie-all-the-time brother, and now I’m the sensible, let’s-sort-this-out brother) and managed to foul thing up a little bit worse for a moment. I told my mom that we would just invite the whole family, that way no one’s feelings would be hurt.
That was not at all what my brother had in mind, as he wanted to have a party, though keep it relatively small. This was, after all, not the main event. So once I communicated to my mom that this was not the main event, nor was this going to be the main event, nor had anyone suggested this be the main event, she calmed down and was able to understand my bro’s point of view. I then explained what my mom’s misunderstanding was to my bro, and he was cool too.
I won’t even get into the argument about whether the party after the recognition of love by the bureaucratic governmental process AKA signing a ream of paperwork that will be stamped and notarized by a soulless, faceless, government employee, should be held at my parent’s house or a restaurant.
Either way, the best thing that came out of the whole incident, in my opinion, were some portions of my bro’s fiance’s email to me, thanking me for taking the issue on, and about weddings in general. Here’s my favorite parts:
I just wanted to let you know that your email has been
the only saving grace of my day. I am SO tired
(already! I haven’t even been here a fucking WEEK!)
of “What are the plans? / Why don’t you have a date? /
Why aren’t you buying a house? / Why can’t you just
make your father change all of his plans so that we
can have a speed church wedding NOW? / Have you talked
to the priest? I’m sure he’ll understand and marry you
as though it were final rites on your deathbed…quick
and easy, and completely sterile” that I was on the
verge of STABBING someone today.
To me, this has now been turned into a circus where
the fact that I don’t have my fucking “wedding party”
planned or “colors” picked out is atrocious. I suppose
I’m expected to be glowing with that happy, mongoloid
bridal anticipation of having to pick out a place for
people to dance, pick out the proper food and drink
with which to fatten and drunken them up –all while
managing to match the colors of the underside of my
dress to the napkin rings! Whee!
She thanked me for taking the time to organize stuff for her and my bro, and I thank her for saying one of the funniest (and closest to my opinion of weddings) things I have heard in a while.
