For the first time in my life, I saw A Tribe Called Quest, and it was simply fantastic. All the things I had to go through to see them, not so fantastic.
First of all, I only found out about the show a few days ago, so when I ordered my tickets through Ticketbastard, they wanted to charge $20 to ship the tickets to me. Keep in mind that I bought the tickets a week in advance. Had it been a day, or two days even, the $20 would have been reasonable. But a week? C’mon. So now I had to go for the “Will Call” option, which is always sketchy.
When we finally got there, I realized two things. First, the show was being sponsored by a popular menthol cigarette maker. Menthol cigarettes + hip ho show = marketing based on racism. They were giving away merchandise like crazy, and I’m pretty sure I could have gotten a pack of cigarettes for nothing more than my name, email, and home address.
The second thing I noticed was that the doors hadn’t opened. Will Call was supposed to go on from 6:30 to 8:30. We got there at 7:15 and we didn’t get inside until 8:00. We didn’t get inside the hall until 8:30 or so. Everything was running behind.
The first thing we did upon getting into the hall was buy a couple of drinks (Awesome! $3 cans of Budweiser and Coors Light! /sarcasm) and stake out a spot at the front. And then we were treated to quite the show. First, a fairly decent DJ, though no Mix Master Mike, warmed up the crowd. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, two women came out and started having seizures all over the stage. The weren’t exactly dancing with the beat, but they were scantily clad, and just kind of jiggling around on the stage. At first it was amusing, but then it became kind of sad. And then very, very boring. Just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, we were offered a reprieve… a fashion show! That’s right, this hip-hop show had everything- cigarette giveaways, dancers, and a fashion show. Just no hip-hop. It was 9:45, and the crowd was getting rebellious. The fashion show plugged on, and it featured some of the worst models I’ve ever seen. They were attractive, but way over the top. Think the Zoolander Walk Off.
There was the young black guy who would strike bizarre poses, like laying on the floor. There was the tall white guy who had all the walking rhythm of Frankenstein’s Monster, and that whole sucked in cheeks thing. Then there was the long, blond headed white guy, whose eyes were completely devoid of anything resembling the ability to form a complete thought without the help of a personal assistant. There was also black guy who looked like P. Diddy, and he also didn’t look like he thought modeling was something anyone should be serious about. He had the exact opposite attitude of all the other models. The female models were no better. There was a Paris Hilton clone, a model that looked like Xena that everybody went crazy over for some reason, and some other forgettable looking women. It seemed like it would never end, but it finally did. And we were back to the DJ and the spastic dancers.
I would have killed a box of kittens (not really. I wouldn’t have had the time to make it through the whole box.) if a guy carrying a Naughty by Nature banner hadn’t started walking on stage.
That’s right. Naughty “O.P.P.” By “Hip Hop Hooray” Nature. I can’t even describe how awesome it was to see Naughty By Nature after all the bullshit we had to put with so far. And when they opened with OPP, the crowd went hyphy.
Naughty By Nature went on for about 30 minutes, and then we receded back into the 9th ring of my personal Hell- dancers, models, and no fucking hip hop.
Finally, after what seemed like an hour, A Tribe Called Quest came on. They played a show designed for fans. They played all the songs I never thought they would play live, and they played all the songs that I ever wanted to hear live. It was a perfect mix of their more obscure stuff, and their fan favorites. It was a great show, and to say anything more about their performance wouldn’t do them justice.
As a bonus, giveaways were being thrown into the crowd all night. I collected:
3 Tank Tops
1 T Shirt
3 Naughty By Nature Bumper Stickers
1 Promotional Mix CD
and
1 Pair of Naughty By Nature Thong Underwear
I gave the extra stickers and shirts to people around me. The only stuff I missed getting was:
1 sweaty, ripped tank top from Naughty by Nature
1 sweaty towel used by Phife from ATCQ
1 cup of Hennessey meant for NBN, leftover after they left the stage
So I’m not exactly sure I “missed” getting that stuff. The guy who go the towel, however, gets the “Weirded Out!” award for the evening when upon catching the towel (covered with another person’s sweat mind you) he immediately put it up to his face and inhaled. Guhhh.
