AnonymousCoworker

So, we ended the season 4-3 (look for Recess Bullies). I finally had a night where both my offense AND defense weren’t crap, and we only lost by one point. I think I was robbed of a call at first where I hit the bag before the ball even made it to the first baseman’s hand. I delivered my disbelief with a calm, but assertive, “You’ve gotta be FUCKING kidding me!” in the general direction of the first base ump. I, at least, managed to drill the pitcher’s beer on my hit, sending a cascade of foam into the air, as well as rendering the can a much flatter state.

When we were leaving there was a man who walking his dog outside the fields. As Kmart, Matt, and I passed the dog started to squat to take a crap on the grass. The man reached into his pocket and hastily pulled a plastic bag over his hand while huskily whispering, “Oh thank you thank you thank you.” Now, I’ve watched people’s dogs before, so I know how much you want them to go to the bathroom sometimes. But mostly I just say, “Hey, [insert dog's name here] let’s get a move on with the poopin’.” Then the dog poops between 1 and 30 minutes later, I say, “Finally,” and the poop gets cleaned up and I move on. However, even if this incident was an hour coming, there was no explanation for the extremely creepy tone of the guy who had bagged the poo before the steam had stopped coming off of it. Blech.

At the behest of my readers, I give you:

THE COWBELL SKETCH

On Sunday, ACWGF and I had quite the time. We got her car washed (a topic for another blog post) and we ate Chinese food, and watched the Prophecy movies. This was one of the best Sundays I have had in recent memory.

The Prophecy trilogy is quite the bomb. It’s a goofy sci-fi/pre-apocalyptic series focusing around Christian mythology.

The quick and dirty of the first movie goes like this:

Gabriel (played by Chris Walken, and only one of 2 particularly interesting actors in the series) hates humans because God loves humans more than angels. Gabriel wages a war that involves a pro-human faction and anti-human faction in Heaven. The AH faction wants to steal the most evil soul on earth (that of a American Colonel who murdered and committed ritual sacrifice on his enemy combatants in war) but before Gabriel can steal this soul, Simon, of the PH faction, does and hides it in a little girl.
Because this takes place in the human realm, some serious damage is done to the human world, and a seminarian cum detective/expert on angels gets involved. He finds the little girl and tries to protect her from Gabriel. The Devil gets in touch with the cop and lets him know how to take down Gabriel. The Devil wants the cop to win because he knows that if Gabriel wins there will be a second Heaven exclusive to angels. (Apparently the Devil doesn’t think God will cast Gabe out for this because Gabe isn’t trying to become a god.) If there is a second Heaven, there must be a second Hell. A second Hell means that Lucifer will have to share the spotlight with another Hell and another Devil. In essence, the Devil is driven by the same arrogance that got him tossed out in the first place.
When Gabe does confront the cop, the cop takes the Devil’s advice and manages to defeat Gabriel by shoving free will and having faith in Gabe’s face. That gives the Devil enough time to leap in and rip Gabe’s heart out (the only way to kill and angel). The Devil eats the heart, and Gabe is dragged into Hell. The spirit is exorcised from the little girl, and as it floats out of her body it is a’sploded by light from Heaven. The End of movie 1.

Pros:
1)Walken
2)I think it’s kind of neat that all the angels, fallen or not, always greet each other by first name.
3)Fairly interesting story

Cons:
1)No apocalyptic war where angels fight in Heaven, Hell, and on Earth over the fate of humans.

P.S. The other character of interest is a mortician. He usually played Kenny Bania on Seinfeld.

I had a conference in Atlantic City last week, and it was my first time to that, uh, fair *cough* city.

First of all, most of the casinos and hotels in the AC were understaffed because of a strike. This resulted in numerous problems. I hate having people in my room, so I usually let the “Do Not Disturb” sign hang there the whole time. There was no sign in the room, so I inquired at the front desk.

“You’ll have to talk to the cleaning staff.”

I inquired with the cleaning staff.

“Oh. Only the front desk has those.”

Great. After they cleaned the room while I was at the conference, they had left a sign on the back of the door. Unfortunately, they stole my soap. (I bring my own soap to hotels because they usually only provide soap with lotion in it and when I use that I never feel like I’m fully rinsed off.) So I retaliated by taking the soaps, shampoos, shower caps, and a roll of toilet paper. I also didn’t take the extra 5 minutes to straighten up behind myself when I left. Also, no tip. Not much retalliation, really, since they only “straightened” my room once, but I thought the all the assistant managers and managers who had to take their turns cleaning should see what their striking staff goes through in every room. Bastards.

One of my coworkers was visited by some friends of his from Philly. Apparently the friend, whom we’ll call, Gamblin’ Greg, was a regular to casinos. Hey, whatever tickles your pickle. He played the roulette tables all night. Winning and losing. But mostly losing. The odds are in the casino’s favor after all. (Strangely, every table we approached hit 17, and we changed tables frequently. It was always when we approached a new table, 17 would have just hit. Weird.) Though, despite his bad luck, he was a really funny guy. He referred to the people we saw through the safety of the car window as the walking dead, and kept calling AC “The Dawn of the Dead.” He had tons of stories of being accosted by people who were looking to make just a few bucks so they could turn around and blow it on slots or craps or whatever. “Blow you out here, blow it in there,” was a phrase I think he used on a trip between the Tropicana and the Borgatta.

I only gambled about 5 bucks. Gamblings isn’t really that much fun to me. I’d rather spend my money on beer, food, and movies. Not necessarily in that order. I did earn back what I gambled in free drinks though. But, after tips, I probably paid about half price for the drinks all night. Not too bad. Considering that my dinner was covered by my per diem, I think I may have MADE some money. Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.

Though I’ve never been to Vegas, I now see AC as Vegas’ slutty little sister. Vegas is like, “Hey, wanna party? We’ve got an open bar set up in the lounge, and people are doing lines off strippers in the den.” To which AC responds, “No thanks. We’ve got a few kegs of Beast set up over here, and I think the guy with the anal warts is trying to talk himself up to my parole officer. By the way, I borrowed your crotchless panties yesterday. I had a job interview.”

I’ll be out of the office, and subsequently away from 90% of the time I spend in front of the computer. I’ll hopefully have things to say when I get back, or the option to say things at the place where I’ll be.