AnonymousCoworker

So, I was driving home from ACWGF’s house and came into the city at the height of traffic before a baseball game. As I turned onto Pratt I noticed a bumper sticker that I’d seen on my morning commute a few days prior. It was a black Volkswagon with a “W” bumpersticker and “Bush” sticker below that. I simultaneously thought, “Damn Bush supporter,” and, “Huh, this guy must live down here.” Immediately I found myself raging against the locals, and rooting for the Jetta driver. You’ll find this a direct contradiction to this post. He was making the moves I’d have made were I in his position. This guy KNEW the city. He was one with the flow of traffic. And for 20 blocks or so up Calvert Street, we moved as a unit. I was united with a guy who on a previous morning was the target of my ire, and we caught every light from Lombard north. That’s quite a feat. 27 blocks without having to stop for a light.

I got over my feelings of unity quickly, though they are still close to my heart, (explanation for another blog about that last cryptic sentence) when I thought that if I told this guy what I just typed here, he would probably call me a knee-jerk Clinton apologist bleeding-heart, and then tell me John Kerry is flip-flopper, ask me why I love the terrorists, and why I hate America. Cause Republicans play to win. Take no prisoners, make no friends. Honestly, after a 27 block run, I would have shaken his hand and ask him to have a beer with me if I wasn’t so sure he would have killed me and used my skull for whatever drinking ritual they have at their Bush orgies.

Off to kickball.

Last Week: Napolean Dynamite

Rating: 4.5 of 5 stars

This Weeek: Shaun of the Dead

Rating: Yet to be determined

If you want to join us for movie night (always Wednesday unless otherwise noted) just give me or The Big Marty K an holler. Hopefully this will finally catch me up on all the movies I want to see. Netflix is my next target. A big target with a 485 movie long queue.

Here’s the list of movies that are still out in this area that I want to see:

Dirty Shame
Garden State
Criminal
I Heart Huckabees
Sky Captain
Manchurian Candidate
Ghost in the Shell
Bourne Supremacy
What the —- do we know?
Alien V Predator
Anaconda 2

Anchorman
Day After Tomorrow
Dodgeball
I, Robot

And before you make any jokes about my taste in movies, I’d like to point out that I see my stubborn dilligence to like a movie as a benefit, (or Skills, as Napolean would say) and not a detriment. To my credit I sat through, Dances With Wolves, Four Feathers, Waterworld, and The Chronicles of Riddick, among others.

I hate bastards. Not the kind that don’t know their father. That’s just unfortunate. Poor, unfortunate bastards. No, I hate the bastards that are douchebags. The type of people who will lie to you, outright, just to deprive you of your Asian Spice mix that you bought so your girlfriend could get some free stuff from Pampered Chef. How the FUCK are you going to say that some spice mix, that is clearly not yours, is yours? What the fuck is that? Who does that shit? I’ll tell you who: Bastard douchebags. I can’t believe ACWGF lived with that bastard douchebag for a year. I’d have killed that bastard douchebag and sold her remains to necrophiles. But not necrophiles in California. Cause that’s illegal now.

No reason. I just thought that should be on the internet, and my blog should be the first to bring it up.

“Poop” is an awesome word. The Malcontent likes “moist.” “Drawer” and “down” and “throttle” are also favorites of mine. I think I actually have a list of funny words saved somewhere. I’ll try to find it tonight. Until then, what are your faves?

P.S. I also like “twelfth” and “fifth.” Say all the letters in those. It’s fun.

I just got this from one of our tech people:

Dell technical support has confirmed our assessment that the drive array which is attached to Novell lost its’ configuration. The result being that all of the drives on the array can not be seen by the Novell servers (this is a bad thing).

Emphasis mine. Now, I couldn’t explain to you exactly what the drive array does (feel free Mokie Jovis) but I understood this was a bad thing. Unfortunately, most people do not. They simply scratch their misshapen heads with their hairy knuckles and oversized hands, reach for another banana and say, “When me be able make paper with words again?” Then they shuffle off to play solitaire or look at the latest “article” provided by AOL. You took the time to learn how your TV worked you slack jawed mouth breather, now take the time to figure out the glowing screen in your office. Douchebags!

P.S. I just taught the spellchecker, “Mokie, Jovis, Douchebags, and Dumbening.”